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New research has shown that rekindling romance with an ex lowers happiness and brings on more stress.
Researchers examined cyclical relationships where couples get back together after breaking up. Lead researcher, Dr. Amber Vennum, found that couples in these relationships were more impulsive, more ambiguous about the future, and overall lacked communication and self-esteem. Cyclical couples also tended to be unclear resulting in the confusion of the relationship’s status or a one-sided commitment by one person.
These factors also applied when going down the marital path. For these couples, troubles loomed before the marriage even started as they had higher conflict and uncertainty of settling down. After tying the knot, satisfaction progressively decreased during the marriage.
Old habits are hard to break as Vennum said, “…patterns of cyclicality tend to repeat. If you tend to be cyclical while dating, you tend to be cyclical while married.”
The lack of trust and poor decision making tend to continue in a pattern throughout the relationship.
Vennum had a word of advice to couples who are thinking of getting back together.
“Don’t get back together. Study after study shows that when our relationships are poor, we don’t function well,” she said.